Talking Dirty Online
Talking dirty online can be powerful and exciting. Whether it is someone you have had sex with before, or someone you are hoping to be with in the future, dirty talk can be a really exciting way to learn what someone is into and get both partners to start thinking about the other erotically. However, it is of utmost importance that dirty talk is done with tact, otherwise it can be the grossest, least sexy thing ever. I’ve had steamy, arousing conversations with people that led to an increase in anticipation and arousal. I’ve also had a sexual conversation with someone I thought I was into, but he immediately talked about quadruple stuffing me like a turkey, and I decided I would never like to see them again. So, how do you dirty talk right?
Focus on learning what turns on the sexy stranger that you are talking to, and not just on what turns you on. So many men talk to me about how they want me to worship their cocks, and asking about my dick sucking technique. Yes, sucking cock is a fun activity, but as a woman what turns me on more is thinking about something that’s directly arousing for me such as getting my pussy licked or getting fucked. When someone only talks about their pleasure, it makes me think that they would be selfish in bed and makes me not want to engage with them. However, if someone asks me what turned me on, or that they want to see what my face looks like when I’m moaning in pleasure, that is a turn on. It makes me think they would value my pleasure if we were to hook up in the flesh.
Don’t immediately go into the details of hard descriptive fucking. Start by introducing yourself, add some soft word foreplay and then if it becomes clear the person is into it, go into the dirty talk.
When the dirty talk starts, don’t freak them out! It’s amazing to have fantasies that are strange, dirty and degrading. There are many people that share your desire for this type of play, but if it’s your first time talking with someone and there is nothing in their profile or in your conversation with them that makes you think they are into anything in particular, it’s risky to bring up your deepest dirtiest desires right away. If you really want to talk about something specific there are a few techniques regarding how to bring it up. Either let them know that it really turns you on to be degraded, or to play with feet, or to get wrapped in a carpet and stepped on, and ask them if this is something that would also turn them on, instead of just calling someone a stupid slut and hoping that they will be into it. Another way to assess what the person you are talking to is into would be to play a sexy game. Ask someone if it turns them on to be more dominant or submissive? When they are enjoying being dominated, do they prefer being called names? Share three thoughts that you find to be really sexy. One message that is a turn off can be enough to stop a conversation that otherwise was sexy and stimulating, so be thoughtful.
Paint a picture. Something like, “I’m going to suck your cock till you cum.” or “I’m going to fuck the shit out of you” is kind of whatever. Instead, use descriptive words so that the person can really envision the act taking place. How are you going to suck it? Will you be looking up at them? Will you only use your tongue? How quickly? A better description would be, “I’m going to suck your cock slowly, beginning with the tip and each time going a little deeper until I’m choking on you, while looking up at you.” Or an alternative to the oh so sexy fucking the shit out of you (how bad is that visual? I want to keep my shit inside me thank you very much!) Instead say, “I want to sit on your cock and moan in pleasure as I feel you fill me up.” The later helps paint a more clear visual, and can give the reader more of an understanding of your technique and favorite positions.
When looking for subjects to talk about, talk about your past, your present and your future. With people that you’ve engaged with before, reminiscing about past times can be really sexy. For example, “Remember that time I wanted you so badly that we fucked in the gas station, you were so wet.” Present focused would be talking about how turned on you are talking to this person right now. For example, “I’m getting so hard thinking about how fucking good it would feel to have you sit on my cock right now.” An example of future oriented talk is, “When I finally meet you in person, we aren’t even going to say hi. I am just going to take you to my hotel room and watch you finger yourself until your pussy is soaking.”
PROOFREAD! This is the most important. If someone wants to lick my pussy or feel their duck inside me, that is an immediate no. If they don’t care enough to put in the time to write a full sentence, it makes me feel like they would not care enough to put in the 35 minutes it takes to make me cum. I know you are all hot and bothered but you can still make your brain work enough to write a clear sentence.
Keep it descriptive but also not too complex. It’s important for the person to be able to easily envision what is being described. I once had someone send a paragraph about this complex position where I would have one leg in the air and another on the floor?! But somehow in his description I was able to kiss him passionately while he spanks me?! When talking about sex, especially with someone you haven’t yet hooked up with, keeping it simple is better. Use good descriptive words, but describe an easily imaginable position.
What turns me on the most is when someone is so into me that they lose control. I have a feeling I may not be the only narcissist, so making someone feel really good about themselves may also lead them to become aroused. Tell them how much their body turns you on, and be specific. For example, “looking at your beautiful breasts makes me so hard, I can’t stop fantasizing about rubbing my cock all over them.” Or, “when we first met I was in awe, your presence was captivating and I wanted to do so many sweet nasty things to you.”
One thing that is important to remember is that what you say when you are talking dirty is a good way to assess what somebody is into, but when you meet in person they may not want to do everything discussed. However, talking dirty is a fun sexy way to get to know someone, and can help bridge the gap to meeting that person in flesh. As learning about someone's passions and kinks will lead to an overall more communicative, healthy and exciting experience.
written by resident sex tip guru, Niki Davis-Fainbloom